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United We Stand

Saturday was Trunk-or-Treat at the drive-in. I've participated in it with Beth/Luke/both for four(?) years running now. It's a great time. We go overboard and make treat bags, and give out glow-sticks. It's pretty good stuff. You make a lot of kids happy that way. About 200, to guess. Since we don't get trick-or-treaters at my house, this has filled the void -- and hey, it makes me happy, too. There's no harm in that.

Beth -- "Three adults???"

I'm not writing to talk about Trunk-or-Treat, though.

The Dependable Drive-In is owned by an old war vet and his wife. I have seen them practically my entire life. That place... I have a very strong emotional attachement to it. It feels like home. I have more memories there than any other "fun" place growing up. If anything epitomizes my childhood, it is the Dependable Drive-In. Mind you, this includes everything from swearing to god I've seen some dancing UFO lights in the sky, to watching a particular row of trees gradually get higher and higher. Even as I've grown older, it continues to be a big part of my life. That being said, every so often something happens that reinforces that sentiment in my heart.

As we're all sick and tired of hearing, some nameless assclown started this asinine practice of kneeling to show disrespect to the flag during football games. Said nonsense has spread and spiraled out of control, and I'd say the country is pretty divided on it. Just one more thing to separate us by color and politics, huh? Because that's what we need here in America; more hate. They claim to be protesting "police brutality" and "oppression," but I'd like to see them attend their sportsball games without armed security, or better yet, try to move to another country and garner even half of the idolization they experience here in racist, ol USA. Best still, I'd like to see them get real jobs and stop raking in the million dollar paychecks each year from this country that oppresses them so terribly.

*grinds teeth*

So with these "idols" influencing the masses, it is no longer standard to show respect to the flag that represents this great country, nor the song that has bolstered our spirits for years. The Dependable plays the National Anthem before each showing, and has been doing so for a few years now. This year at Trunk-or-Treat, I was nervous. I was wondering how many people would make a show of kneeling, how many would boo or throw stuff, or complain to the owner about how much of a bigot he is. Instead, I was surprised. The anthem began to play, people fell silent, and many of them stood.

Whole families got out of their cars or off of their blankets, came out from the snack stand, and put their hands over their hearts. Including me. And when it was over... they cheered. They clapped, and cheered, and it was a beautiful moment.

It indeed made me proud to be an American, and gave me hope for the future.
It also made me love the Dependable that much more.

Later Days.

Saw the kids and Mandy yesterday. c: Alex is getting so tall. He's up to Luke's brow line now. It's crazy. And his voice, gosh. It makes me a little sad. He'll be 14 on the 17th. It's amazing. He's becoming such a wonderful kid. A wonderful person.

Alyssa and Andrew, too. Alyssa looked adorable today. I gave her a big chapter book and she seemed really interested. I hope she does read and enjoy it. I want her to be a reader, partially because it'll be good for her (she's an intelligent little booger), but mostly because I want someone to share books with. >__> She's my girl. I've decided.

Andrew was very sweet today. He's still little enough that he wants (and is able) to climb all over you, sit on you, be picked up, etc. We all laid down to watch Ponyo and he came to lay on the floor with me. He put his head right next to mine and angled toward me, and it was super sweet. ;o; I realized a bit later that we were also both shaking our foot. The same foot. At the same pace. The same way. Exactly.

Freakin.... cute, man. T~T Love that kid, desperately. Love them all, desperately.

Today also marks the official 1 month, 30 day mark for Jesse and me. So yay for that. I'm not going to celebrate it every month. We're not in middle school. But it's still a fun milestone.



Later Days.

Hour of Thought

A few days ago, Alex texted me at 2am on a school night. This wasn't rare during the summer, but I was pretty surprised he was awake at that hour now that school's back in. Artificially surprised, anyway. The kid is basically me, afterall. I can't be TOO surprised.

He proceeded to tell me that 2am was his, "hour of thought." Hilarious.
And that "humanity would be so much better with really long fingers."

Fuckin' died, I did. Beth and me both.
Good god, I love that kid.


Due for an update?

Things are going really well between Jesse and me. It's such a peculiar thing, to be here again -- I say again, but I've never really been exactly here, have I? Just somewhere similar. This time, I seem to be moving faster through the motions. I was never the type to fall quickly. I'm far to smart and cautious for that. And yet... well, things are moving a lot faster than I thought they would. I chalk it up to this just being a long time coming.

I mean, goodness. I've known him since 2008, let's say. From the very beginning, there was the suggestion of something, and off and on throughout our lives, it would reappear and fade away. I avoided him most times for this very reason, as consistently either I was otherwise engaged, or he was. Two-ish years ago, after both of our romantic (not into this word but what else is an antonym for platonic?) lives collapsed around us, when he really pursued me for the first time, I was just not ready. I had lost myself so thoroughly, and just could not seem to find me again. My heart was locked up in a box and I had built a wall around myself, each brick consisting of its own special little sadness, frustration, or grievance, whether imagined or otherwise, and soldered into place with intransigent resignation.

Basically, I was a lost cause.

But then came Jesse with his hammer and pick, there to chip, chip, chip away at my barricade, damnit. And so he did. Ever since, it's all but crumbled away, leaving behind a scrubbed pink, chafed heart. I was pretty sure I'd lost it, but there it was. Now it's fluttered away on me again, like a caged bird who'd been counting the moments until someone opening its pen might be caught unawares enough that it could bolt for its freedom.

Deliverance, is the word. But really, who casually uses terms like that, these days.
What I'm trying to say is that I've fallen pretty fast, and pretty hard. That's the simple truth of it.

I've reached the point already where I'm trying to fit his presence in everyday, nonsensical situations -- ordinary circumstances that mean absolutely nothing, and yet absolutely everything. When I can do so with virtually no effort put forth, I start to miss it. I miss something that has yet to exist. It's some scary stuff, let me tell you. And the scariest part of it all, is that I think most of this is mutual. I'm not alone in it this time, and neither is he. That, if nothing else, makes this one different. It makes him different.

It makes him dangerous, too.

When something is as real as this feels, it has the potential to wreak catastrophic damage. Having been there before, exactly there, I am afraid.
I'm afraid, but I'm going for it. I'm in it to win it, for better or for worse.

Because at the end of the day, I too now have the potential to wreak catastrophic damage upon him -- and with that comes a responsibility not to.

I take responsibilities like that very seriously.

To finish off, I'd like to impart some non-love related wisdom.
If you have but two blankets, do not wash them at the same time. You will forget about them, and consequent be left with no blankets, and no sleep.

Just as I have been.

Yesterday was a good day. Not everything was perfect. In fact, I didn't feel good through most of it, and yet, it was still a good day. Jesse and I miced and played Civ for several hours, and I can say without doubt, it has been a long time since I have felt that genuinely happy. Even more so, listening to him mumble inconsequentially to himself, my heart did that little flipping thing that I was pretty sure it was no longer capable of. It startled me a little. For a half of a nano-second, I couldn't even identify the feeling. It has been years, afterall. But it was there.

I feel a little awkward saying so. Afterall, this is the resurfacing of a Myste that was dead, buried, and decomposed. It's a zombie Myste, and as such, feels foreign. It's a version of myself that used to be all of myself, and then suddenly none of myself. And now it's here again. Hello, my old heart.

Laying in bed this morning, after actually getting some (albeit broken) sleep for the first time in -- weeks? months? -- I was thinking about it all; about what it means, what it could mean, what it meant to individual people, and future dreams. It's not like when you're a kid or teenager. Your decisions now hold adult consequences. Didn't I just write about that recently, or have I just been stewing on it for a while? Even positive decisions hold their consequences, not necessarily bad, but not always good, either.

What will this do to my relationship with Luke? My brother. My little brother. My co-parented child, until a few years ago. What about with my friends? Beth, Starr, what does it mean for them? Or to them? If anything. And my little cousins, what about them? This is assurance that even if I did not leave for South Dakota, I will leave someday.

All of this weighs down upon you when thinking about potentially life altering choices such a this one... but in the end, I went for it. I actually asked Jesse, not the other way around. I mean, he's made his intentions clear from the beginning. You know, the beginning, which started "a gazillion years" ago, according to him. It's not like there was much risk involved. My heart still raced, though.

And I think that's a good thing. It means it's still there.

When I was a kid, I had this old AIM avatar that I liked a lot, but never used. It said, "I didn't fall for you, you tripped me."
That seems pretty accurate. >> You know what they say though; third time's the charm.

So here we are. I now have a boyfriend. I am someone's girlfriend. That's pretty scary, but you know... I think it'll be a good thing.

I've gone full circle with this song now, funny enough.
Later Days.

Dumpling... wut?

Alex asked me if I wanted to visit dumpling nervata today.


............. Really though, dumpling nirvana sounds like a hell of an experience, let's do that.


"I'm dying," she says, conveniently.

I have not escaped from life unscathed. There was a time I thought I did; that everything I went through was for some divine reason that would better prepare me for whatever else I had to face in life, and would only make me stronger. Those were the thoughts of a child in an impossible situation.

With the thoughts of a now adult in an impossible situation, I see that that is very far from the truth. I am absolutely not unscathed. It's more like life just very gradually chipped and chipped and chipped until one day, I woke up and was a completely different person.

In one of these ways, it has made me a bad daughter. I have a lot of negative feelings about my mother. Maybe a lot of people do, but I think I have... more. Afterall, she moved me into a house where I was abused in a lot of subtle and non-subtle ways, and left me there until I got myself out. Then she came with me, closing off nearly all of my viable life options and holding me down. While I tried very hard not to let that change my feelings toward her, it did.

Think about it from my perspective. She let me be abused for years. She was supposed to protect me from someone who also should have been protecting me. She didn't. From maybe 13-17, so that's four years of active abuse she had the ability to stop, and didn't. Then when I finally got out, got myself out, she put me in a situation where I was supposed to protect her.

And I have. Gladly, for a long while. Then slowly it began being thrown in my face in various ways I've already spoken about and don't feel the need to rehash that includes everything from being told I'm a bitch (for making her take her medicine or not allowing her to frivolously spend money), to receiving disgusting kinky texts meant for her fuck buddy, to catching her badmouthing me to all of the relatives, going as far as to make up events that never happened, to being told I was going to be kicked out on the street and her not bothering to stick up for me. So tell me, how can you not feel negatively toward that person?

If someone told me they were throwing my child out onto the streets, I'd lose it. But she didn't stick up for me at all, and even now, I find myself making excuses for her. Oh, well she said this later, or, well, she didn't mean it like that.

After all of this, there are times where I feel guilty because again, I am a bad daughter. I can't hug her. I can't tell her I love her. I'm not sure that I do. In fact, I kind of think that... I don't. And deep down, I want to have a relationship with her and do things with her, but every time I try, she ruins it.

Like going out to my birthday dinner with Beth and Luke. We didn't have to include her, but we did -- and then she tried to butt in on plans Beth and I had to go to walmart after, pushing and insisting and getting angry and toxic even though by her coming, it would have made Beth and I unable to do what we had planned to do. She was willing to argue with me in a restaurant about it in front of my friends, just so she could get her way, not caring that she was destroying one of the few moments I have to act my age and just be normal. Not only did she not care about ruining my birthday dinner by fighting with me, but she wanted to ruin our excursion to walmart, too.


So the point of this entry is to bring attention to what she told me today.

She just spent a few days with aforementioned fuck buddy and upon arriving home, rather than saying hello or asking how my week went, she immediately ambushed me about Joe being allowed to freely come and leave. This is something I have bulked at before because of a lot of reasons... largely the incident where she brought him in while Beth and I went to the drive-in, shoved Sari, Conan, and Mari all into the den together (which is a recipe for disaster because a. what if Conan had a seizure because he's stressed from a stranger in the house and her screaming and thumping and moaning around b. what if Conan went after the cat c. what if Conan went after Sari) so they could fuck eachother. Luke got off early and came home and walked in on all of this, and she had the nerve to tell him to go back to work. There was also the incident where she brought home that weird Phil guy who she later said she was afraid would show up again with a gun. So no. Fuck no. I don't want these freaks she meets on kink websites in my house. I'm sorry. That leaves us way too vulnerable, I absolutely cannot trust her, and I'm not risking it.

So I pushed back, said no, told her to just go to his house, told her she could do whatever she wanted when Luke and I save enough to get out of here, and the conversation was over.

Until I went to bed early, laid there for four hours unable to sleep, gave up and got back up, and got ambushed in the kitchen by her crying and saying she's dying and blah blah blah.

Now, she claims an intern told her Thursday that she was dying because of her ammonia levels. IF this is true, it means she waited an entire week to bother to tell me. It also means that the doctor and nurses, when I called to ask them what the deal was, failed to mention this to me. It also means that she ran off spur of the moment to spend three days with her boyfriend. Does that sound like someone who was told she was dying?

I guess she wanted me to burst into tears or throw my arms around her or to give her permission to do whatever she wanted. I don't really know. Whatever reaction she was hoping for, she didn't get -- so she started whisper-yelling at me (because Luke was sleeping) and saying all sorts of aggressive things, and stumbling over exactly how she was dying and why.

Basically, she says that the intern, so yes, not even a real doctor, an intern told her that her high ammonia was going to kill her and they couldn't do anything about it because of her heart. Now, I have been telling her for about a year that she needs to tamp down her expectations about getting a transplant, because it's not going to happen. Did she listen to me? Nope. Vehemently denied it. Now the intern supposedly told her on behalf of her liver doctor that she wasn't going to get a transplant, and that her ammonia was going to kill her.

This all a few days after I worked out a plan to keep her ammonia under control that she agreed with. She could have mentioned that she was supposedly dying then, but didn't. Fishy? I think so.

I'm not saying she's lying, exactly. But she sure is being convenient with her information. The last time I told her I didn't want Joe in the house, she had her mother come over to scream at me for hours, and that's the incident that lead to Sue telling me she was going to throw me out onto the streets, and my mother not bothering to stick up for me. So pardon me for calling bullshit.

But even if it's true, I've been being told for over 15 years of my life that she was going to die in one way or another, at various points. That means that I have spent more years being told she was going to die than years assuming she was healthy. Starting at twelve years old, she always had a couple years, a couple months, a couple hours, etc etc left to live, and yet here she is, 15 years later. So excuse me if I've become a little desensitized to news like that, especially since it's now coming from her and loosely contradicts some things the doctors themselves have told me.

And I told her this. I even made myself speak in a soothing manner, and announced my intentions to say something comforting. "Mom, the doctors have been telling me for 15 years that you were going to die from everything under the sun, and yet you're still here, so take comfort in that." Did she? Nope. She just viciously threw it back in my face. "WELL I DON'T! YOU CAN BELIEVE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BELIEVE!"

Fine. Fuck. Sorry for bothering.

See? Bad daughter. I know it, but I can't bring myself to change it.

But she wants me to believe that suddenly this thing that has been happening for over half of my life is going to kill her? I'm sorry, I'm just not buying it. It doesn't make sense with anything else I've learned over the years.

Anyway, I figured I should write because I have been suffering from unforgiving insomnia lately, and this event sure isn't going to help if it just sits inside of me and stews... which, let's be honest, it's going to do anyway. But at least now I don't have to repeat it to everyone tomorrow when they ask.

I have decided that tomorrow, I'm going to tell her that if she's convinced she's dying, then she should go be with her boyfriend, her mother, her sister, or whoever, because she's going to get a lot more support and care from them than I am capable of giving.

And when she's still here in two years and I move away to finally begin my life at almost 30-years-old (god, am I really that old?), I can remind her of this little incident and she can yell at me some more.

Or she'll be dead and I'll hate myself for this entry. Either way, there's not much I can do about it now.
I just don't have it in me, lady. And it's as much your fault, as mine.

Later Days.

Sisters For Sale - a sneak peek.

Sisters For Sale is nearing its completion. I'm stoked. I've been eagerly awaiting the finished documentary and the conclusion of these stories for a good few years now, so the anticipation I feel is nothing to giggle at.

BackstoryCollapse )

So when Ben messaged me a few days ago and told me there was a version of the full documentary I could watch, I jumped on the opportunity. During his second crowdfunding campaign, he had released the first half of the documentary in an attempt to fuel more interest and lend some authenticity to his endeavors. It was amazing and ended with quite a cliffhanger, so I wasted no time watching second.

He told me it was just for my eyes. Don't share it with anyone. Few people had seen it, not even his mom, so I felt honored. This intensified when I saw just how raw the footage was. It had a watermark and a running time stamp at the top, and didn't include any music -- but the story was complete. This also gave me an opportunity to see many of the faces that had been blurred out in released clips.

One scene was particularly powerful. I used it myself when I made my Imgur post. It was footage of a young girl being taken by a gang of boys, kidnapped on a busy street in bright daylight. I'd seen clips and stills of it before, but what I had not seen were their faces. I'd also not heard the audio, which was.... chilling. It chilled me to my core. The boys were laughing, smiling, pulling and shoving at this little girl who was helpless. She could only scream and cry as they forced her onto the back of a motorbike and drove off with her. Just like that. Gone.

The whole documentary was very powerful. He had changed pretty much everything about the "first half," and it was just... perfect. The whole thing was perfect. I can't say much more about it now, but I wanted to capture my awe at having watched it for the first time.

When the finished version is released, things will be different. There will be minor script changes, one of which I caught myself. The colors will be played with, changed. The timestamp will obviously be gone. There will be music, the volume levels will have been fixed, etc. It will be similar, but different from what I just watched. I saw a version almost nobody on the outside will ever see. For that, I am so thankful.

I still can't wait for the full version though. I want to show it to everyone. I want to watch it with Luke and Beth. I want Jesse to see it. I want to tell the kids about it and show them, "Look what I did. Look what you can do, too." Even just from sitting at home behind a computer screen, if you want to make a difference in the world, you can.

I wanted this post to be way more poetic, but there aren't words. There just aren't words.
I hope I've written enough to capture the feeling, so that when I look back on this entry years down the line, I can still remember it.

Later Days.

Polarized July: The Positive Pt. 2

The Boy

One other thing happened on my birthday; or rather, my birthday was the start of it. There was a knock on the door, and when I opened it, there was a delivery man holding a giant vase of flowers. Of course I knew who they were from, but it was startling because he had stopped talking to me about a year and a half previous. I sat the flowers down and opened the card, and sure enough. "I'll never forget your birthday. -Jesse"

Well gee.
.... that's pretty much all I could think. "Well gee."

What do you do when you receive birthday flowers from someone who just stopped talking to you over a year ago? The ending wasn't particularly pretty, either. You remember being angry and hurt, and frustrated. You remember saying and doing some unsavory things to provoke a response out of this person who just cut you off without a word. You kind of want to cry all over again, because you don't know what else to do.

But you don't, or maybe that's just what you want people to think. You get really paranoid and start peeking out all the windows. Oh god, is he out there waiting to ambush me?! Nono, that's silly. Wait, why did that delivery guy run away so fast? Oh fuck, was that him?! No, wait, no, couldn't have been, he had a flower truck. Oh man, oh dear, oh jeeze, what is life, how did I get here.

And then you breathe, calm yourself down, go downstairs, and check facebook -- because surely, this guy wouldn't just send you flowers and continue not to talk to you. Right? ............right?

No messages on facebook. His facebook is still gone. You make an obscure and awkward post because maybe he's creeping, and after several hours, you do the same on Livejournal. Several more hours pass, and you do the same on steam, and send the wrong Jesse Bannon a message on your playstation. Oops. You knew it wasn't him but you tried anyway. And you still get nothing.

And then the next day, there he is. Steam came through for you. Thanks, Steam.

Long story short, we've been talking again like nothing ever happened. Turns out, he'd been reading my journal for several months, so he's mostly in the know about everything that's been going on. What a creeper. Not the first though. It's like nothing ever went wrong. You pick up where you left off.

Or maybe you pick up better than where you left off.
"Sometimes what's left behind can grow better than the generation before... if given the chance." -Simba >_>

It is better, somehow. There's always been... I don't know, something between us. That makes friendship hard sometimes, especially when you're not sure if you ever want "something" again. I was in a dark place before and though I'm not entirely out of it yet, I am better. I want things now. I'm more open to the idea of... well, love. Not to say that's what's going to happen, but. *shrugs* Time will tell, won't it?

For now, I'm just glad he came back.
I'm thankful for the friendship, and everything else he offers.

I'm thankful for the second chance at a lot of things.

And we'll leave it at that.
Until next time~


Polarized July: The Positive Pt. 1

As promised, here is the long awaited, highly anticipated (by no one), POSITIVE JULY post!!!
I keep looking at "polarized" in the title, thinking I'm using it incorrectly. ........ oh well.

We covered all of the bad things that happened in July this year, but it wouldn't be fair to only talk about the bad. An equal amount of good things happened, too. For example, I actually had a very nice birthday. I was not expecting it considering all of the (literal, cough) shit that surrounded it. All the more reason to not let it slip by unappreciated, though. So here goes!

First up, my favorite topic... the kids! "Why do you talk about them so much, Myste?" Well, because they're extremely important to me. They may be the most important people in my life right now. Thoughts of them often influence my decisions. I want to be a good person because they look up to me. The better I am as a person, the better role model they have. I know they don't look up to me exclusively, but I do know I'm in their headlights, so I better do damn well. And I think I do an okay job.

Also, I want them to be able to look back on these entries some day if they want to. These are their stories, too. They're down a parent who will tell them all about who they were when they were little, but they're up a Myste.

Microscope Alex - March &apos;13
Now Alex has the opportunity to look back and see just how intelligent and impressive he has always been, not just because we are so similar, but because he truly is.

20161025_172438 (2)
Alyssa can see all of the moments she blew me away with how good hearted and pure she is, in a way that doesn't exist much in this world.

And Andrew can know that he has been hilarious since the day he was born. You can't develop that kind of humor, it has to be natural, and god knows it is with him.

These are good qualities, and great kids, and I want them to know that. This is my way of telling them.

The Cookout
Luke and I were invited over to Mandy's for a little cookout because Heartwood Acres was having a concert they could hear from their yard. We almost didn't make it. I had to swallow my pride and drop my mother off at Sue's to babysit, but it was worth it to be there for them. We walked in to find Alex forming hamburgers. I got to watch him season and shape them, and it reminded me so much of when I was a kid. I started with hamburgers too, funny enough, and I was really happy to see his process. They were good, too. Mandy grilled 'em up and it was one of the better burgers I've had -- not as good as mine though. Better luck next time, kiddo.

Deviled Eggs Aug 2017
He's into making deviled eggs, too. I have a recipe insert of 50 different deviled egg recipes, and he wants me to bring it to him. xD Oh boy.

Luke and I played air hockey with Alyssa and Andrew, and that was fun. I used to love air hockey when I was a kid, so getting the opportunity to compete against Luke (who cheated in true little brother fashion by constantly holding the puck in front of his goal instead of on the markers) was really meaningful to me. If we had grown up together, we would have had countless air hockey matches. It's nice that we got at least one in the end, anyway.

It was also nice to watch Alyssa and Andrew play against eachother, for this same reason. I hope they all stay close when they're adults, because they have something so special. I'm only a little jealous.


Other fun stuff from that day can be found here, like one of those hilarious Andrew stories. ;)

At the end when the music started to play, Luke, Mandy, the kids, and I all sat around the table, listening and talking to eachother. That was probably my favorite part. Family is a hell of a thing to have if you're lucky enough, and at that moment, I knew I did. I have family, and I love them so much. Lucky me.

The Birthday
When we're kids, Birthdays are all about the gifts. As we get older, the gifts start to diminish, but in return, we often get things that are much richer in sentimental value.
..... That was not the case this birthday, and it was fantastic. Of course, that's not exactly true. The things I received mean more to be because of the people who gave them to me, but at face value, they may not seem that special to other people.

To start, I made a birthday list for the first time since I was about twelve. On that list were things I really wanted, but probably would not buy for myself. I got most of those things, and was absolutely thrilled about it. Sometimes you just know what you want, you know? One of my favorite things is my new Himalayan rock salt lamp.

@_@ It's what I wanted most, and Luke even got me one with a dimmer switch. Oh god, I love it so much. There's some voodoo about how it recycles the ions in the air and is supposed to make you feel better on a chemical level, but the reality is that a tiny little lamp can't do enough to have a real impact. I have to say though, there's something comforting about that soft, orange glow, if nothing else. I love it. I keep it right above my computer so it's in my sight every day for several hours, and it makes me happy every time I look up at it. I highly, highly recommend them as gifts. It was about $20 and has a life expectancy of about 4 years. They're meant to be left on all of the time, by the way, so keep that in mind. If you turn it off too often or for too long, it can actually sweat? Mine hasn't though. It's perfect.

..... and it's salty. Yes, I licked it. SHUT UP, I WOULDN'T BE HUMAN IF I DIDN'T TRY ONCE.
That's the kind of logic that got me stuck in that chair. *sigh*

My second favorite thing came from Bethy. She came out of left field with these. They were not on my list and I did not see them coming, but a few days before she gave them to me, I had just been talking to Luke about how I needed some authentic Japanese rice bowls. DAMN IF SHE DIDN'T. Creepy, Beth. Seriously, creepy. But thank you. <3 I've bopped back and forth between trying to decide which is my favorite. Cherry blossoms vs. Dragonflies is a tough call for me, but I think I've officially decided on the cherry blossoms. My inner girl prevails again. Now I just need to make sure nothing happens to them. So far, I have made a point to wash, dry, and put them away immediately after each use. >> I'm feeling protective.

Luke also got me these little guys. I saw them on some random Facebook ad around Christmas and instantly fell in love with them. And I mean, can you blame me? They're the most adorable things I've ever seen. ~_~ For anyone who doesn't know, they're from a Miyazaki/Ghibli film called Princess Mononoke. They're Kodama, little tree spirits, and their heads click. o3o My favorite is the middle smiley guy there. He's just... ugh. <3

Tell me you don't love them. They also glow in the dark which is just freakin' fun as could be. I have had fun taking photos of them in cute places. >>;
Moving on,

This was my cake. c: It's a raspberry cheesecake icecream cake. Nuff said? Yeah. Thought so. It was amazin'.

Some other gifts include a $50 Barnes and Noble giftcard from my mom that she got some taking medical surveys, yay. I bought seven books with it. >> And a Dairy Queen giftcard from Beth's grandma, T. c: She called me on my birthday by the way, just to wish me a good one. I was happy.

We also went out to eat for it a few nights ago. I always spend hours making everyone special birthday dinners, but doing that for myself kind of takes the magic away, so we generally go out. Normally I get my only steak of the year, but this year, we went to Bahama Breeze. Pete took me to that place for my 18th birthday, and I've loved it ever since. The meal pictured is my favorite. Just looking at it, ohgawd. Q_Q It's called Jerk Chicken Pasta and is basically a slightly spicy carbonara with grilled asparagus in it. Mmm. It's SO good. Beth and Luke were both eating off of my plate. xD I don't mind though, they give you a massive portion and it means I can eat off of theirs too. >.> It's expensive, but if you're ever looking to splurge, that's what I recommend~ We ate outside on the deck, by the way. Being that high on the mountain with the breeze blowing slightly and the stars shining, it was great.

After the meal, Luke took my mother home and Beth and I hung around on the mostly empty deck, looking out over the scenery (parking lot + trees) and talking. It was just... really nice. And relaxing. I loved it. T~T Moments like that enhance my life.

I got one other thing for my birthday, but I'd like to take my time with that part, so.... stay tuned for part two. ;)


Later Days!

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October 2017


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